A missed opportunity: Sunday sleep in
I missed Church today. Yes, even such as me do screw up once in a odd while. It’s not as though I set out to miss Church, I went to bed with my wife with full intentions of waking to a beautiful cool morning and putting on those pants that sit in the closet that make a red rash around my belly, and head out with a smile to the fellowship of my family. But,, when I woke 10 till church bells, I realized It just wasn’t going to happen.
I had spent the evening of saturday with our secret gourmet club (if I say the name here I get kicked out of the club… very exclusive) with laughing, curry steaks and wine.
I had spent the evening of saturday with our secret gourmet club (if I say the name here I get kicked out of the club… very exclusive) with laughing, curry steaks and wine. We came home and I realized I had not seen my wife without a baby firmly attached to here “mommy WaWa,” in so long that I missed her, and we were giddy like puppy dogs and talked late into the night about our curry steaks and laughter.
My sin is sometimes greater than I can bear and I can not bare it alone. I need the smile of sinners, the doughnuts of fellowship, and the two ld ladies that always lift me up with their joy that is something I covet like a thief in a bustling Wallmart.
But is this a sin, didn’t joy and much needed time with my wife trump on little hour of worship? I believe so though not intentional. It is one of those sins that is apart of the ocean of sin the lies in my heart, and I can’t even trace where the sin begins or even what it is… but, to me it is a sin, because my conscious is harmed by it and my heart grieved by my immature desire for temporal “fun” rather than lasting joy. As the head of my wife, I should have cared for her spirit more than her smile.
Ya, to some I’m a crazy nut for feeling so sad today. But, I have missed a lifetime of fellowship and worship for temporal fun. A sunday at Church is a succulent meal that I kick myself for missing, and one more meal I have put aside for scraps of curry steak. So for me it’s a bigger deal than others. Each day I miss in the fellowship of the saints is like the days that never were with your children that weigh heavy on your mind on the death bed.
I feel, though my Lord’s grace is infinitely beyond my feelings, that I can not make it through a week without the supper that fills my soul with such a luxurious heart full of forgiveness. Not that the forgiveness lies in the thimble of wine, but because the remembrance and realization of grace wash through thousands of years, from the Lords blood dripped to the earth and into the earth, into my heart and overflow it with a peace that passes understanding.
I’m was very sad, and felt like just lying in bed and washing the sadness away in a dream, but instead I sat at the table and read in the book of Acts. But I felt alone and didn’t read much.
My sin is sometimes greater than I can bear and I can not bare it alone. I need the smile of sinners, the doughnuts of fellowship, and the two old ladies that always lift me up with their joy that is something I covet like a thief in a bustling Wallmart.
I’m was very sad, and felt like just lying in bed and washing the sadness away in a dream, but instead I sat at the table and read in the book of Acts. But I felt alone and didn’t read much. God is there and here now, but sometimes or many times I do not feel the presence of his Spirit and I want to plead with him, not to be so mean to me as to take the one thing away that I live on, the one thing that keeps me from despair. But, he doesn’t answer me, he is quiet for the moment, and may be this entire day or week or month or year. He is hear though, and I remember that he is, wether I missed Church today, or for much of my life. He does not call me to go so that I will be saved, but so that I may remember that I am.
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